Category: Self-esteem

Life Coaching | The Joy and the Pain

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Allison Fisher, Career & LIfe Coching
The Joy and the Pain of Life

I recently read the singer Shania Twain’s autobiography.  She grew up in a poor family and literally went hungry at times, lost her mother when she was young and had a terrible betrayal by her best friend and then husband.  I loved this quote:

Even when life hits you like a Mack truck that’s come out of nowhere, there is still a chance  that you will survive, and although the road to recovery may be slow , long , and even permanent, this doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the rest of your life and be happy again. (Page 397)

It really struck me what perfect words for pain and joy.  Life isn’t perfect and often doesn’t deliver all we want.  However it can be possible to live with both – the pain of what has happened and the joy of a happy life.  In coaching I find people sometimes struggle to talk about the pain but the best way forward is to speak of it.  Let me know your experiences of life struggles and being able to feel the joy again.  Contact Allison Fisher, Career & Life Coaching.

Allison Fisher , Career & Life Coaching

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Life Coaching: What’s my Purpose?

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Allison Fisher Career and Life Coach Thoughts as shared by Allison Fisher your Auckland Career & Life Coach.

Ever wondered what your purpose is? Or asked yourself  Who am I?  Why am I here?  I talk about these life questions quite a lot with people as a Life Coach.  Of  late I’ve been talking about the possibility that we don’t just have one purpose but a number of purposes.  Or as in music some majors and minors, for a different metaphor.  A friend finds purpose in the everyday things she does.  Whether it’s a walk, meeting someone after work for a catch up, a delicious meal and so on.  So focuses on what she really enjoys doing and enjoys it in that moment.   I think that is a great starting point for the often too big question of what is my purpose?  Sometimes that’s just too scary to contemplate.  And it may seem a tough mountain to climb and even attempt.   Start with what you are passionate about.  What do you get excited about?  As a career and life coach it is crucial for me that my clients are exploring this if they aren’t sure as without passion and purpose who are we?  Looking out my office window just now I can  see a beautiful Kingfisher sitting on a tv aerial and I smile.   That is an enjoyable heart warming moment for me.  So chunk it right down notice what you smile about, everyday at first, and build your list of enjoyment and likes.

Purpose can grow once we focus on what makes our hearts light up.

To discuss or define your purpose or  life questions please connect with Allison Fisher.  I look forward to catching up.

Worried about family interactions at Christmas?

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Christmas can be such a fun and exciting time and a time to connect with others.  However it can also be a time of being really aware of what we think we don’t have in our families and perhaps get triggered by people or events.  Sometimes being with family can be a blessing however other times…..???

So how about preparing yourself for this festive day to ensure you do have a good time rather than a time of wishing you weren’t there or even had a different family altogether?!!

To help, consider the answers to these questions below to try to manage those thoughts that come up and to be really prepared.

Who is it that is likely to trigger you?  Mother, mother in law, brother, husband?

What happens when this trigger occurs?  What are your thoughts and feelings?  How old are you?  I ask this last question as often we revert to a childlike state when we get anxious in these situations.  So the thoughts we have may come from when we were a lot younger. and may not necessarily be the adult you.

Once you’ve clarified the triggers then decide how would you like to be on Christmas day?  Do you choose to be happy?  Do you choose just for today to care for everyone in your family?  Do you choose today to enjoy yourself no matter what?

If those triggers arise and you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts or feeling less than or unloved how can you turn that around at the time to ensure you don’t feel victimized?

Could you remember your strengths and talents.  Remember a time when you were confident?  Remember a time that the person did do or say something nice to you?  And  check in with yourself in the moment – did they really mean that or are you feeling sensitive today?

So decide before Christmas day how you want to be, take control of your thoughts and emotions.  If you don’t you may be at the mercy of your child within.

It is not about pushing aside what may have happened in the past but choosing to hold both – the family history and dynamics as well as choosing to enjoy your christmas.

A very merry christmas to you.

Want to be Inspired?

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I’m wondering if we are in danger of over using and mis-using the word goals?  I noticed in a new year newspaper a pull out totally focused on goals, mind you sponsored by a major bank!  Fantastic to see a number of articles written about achieving goals such as smoking, weight loss and financial discipline.  However in this case clearly being used to promote a bank and  very obviously using goals as a means to connect with their customers.

When a concept like this is placed frequently in the public domain it is at risk of becoming tired and over used a bit like the word ‘passion’ was for a while.  And perhaps what irks me when I skim over the goal articles was the focus on what we’re not doing or not getting in life, the focus on the negative.  After all we all know what we shouldn’t be doing ie eating too much chocolate, smoking, not enough exercise etc etc.  What about turning this around and focusing on what we do want.   What will create excitement, energy and inspiration for us?

So what do you want to create in 2012?  Develop your creativity, develop further your leadership or communication skills, discover a hobby you would love to do, or find a career you love?

I suggest you forget about what you’re going to stop doing in 2012 in the form of resolutions and  undertakings but focus on creating  what will inspire you.  Motivation will come when you discover what inspires you and this comes from the heart.

Achievements

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Now is a good time to assess your achievements for the year.  It’s a really good idea to affirm and celebrate your self before exploring what you would like to achieve next year.  Set aside some time to reflect all you have done right in the past year.  Try and write down 20 things that you are most proud of over the past months.  You might like to do this over the next week and keep a piece of paper close by to write things down when you think of them.  Here are some questions to help you –

🙂 What have you achieved or accomplished? 🙂 What qualities of character have you developed or strengthened? 🙂 Have you supported others in some way? 🙂 What special memories do you have with those you love? Once you have completed this then share your achievements with good friends and celebrate them!  Remember this is what you have achieved and you darn well deserve a pat on the back.  Enjoy your YOU celebration time. 🙂

If you had no Fear….?

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Sometimes in our lives Fear can overcome us so much that we don’t do what we really want to do.  Sometimes we don’t even realise what is happening as   our fear manifests in beliefs we have eg “I’m not good enough to do that”; “I’m not coordinated enough or sporty enough”; ” I don’t have the qualifications” etc.  And sometimes we simply put up barriers or have excuses – “I just don’t have time right now” “My family really needs me I can’t possibly go and do something I might enjoy”; “I’ll do it next year.”

When you get a hunch that you might be scared to do something a good tool is to confront it.  Try and make it your best friend, stare it in the face and find out its ins and outs.  Eleanor Roosevelt once said,  “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”

Also knowledge about what lies ahead can empower and help conquer fears.  I often find this with job search for people.  Once they do some delving whether it’s about how can they get into a job they want or finding out more about the area they want to get into, then making decisions about their direction is so much easier.  Information is power!  Remember Rumpelstiltskin?  He was destroyed once the miller’s daughter learned his name and called it out.  When we name our fears, bring them out into the open, and examine them in the light, they weaken and wither.

So what would you do in life if you had no fear?

Mermaid or Whale?

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Doing the rounds by internet at present this is a real pearler!

Recently, in a large city in France , a poster featuring a young, thin and tanned
woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of
the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the
gym.

 To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious
humans.)  They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable
baby whales.  They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves
with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like
Patagonia , the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia .  Whales are
wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible
creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved,
protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside
the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to an identity crisis.  Fish or
human?
They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them,
not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them … where is IT?
Therefore, they don’t have kids either.  Not to mention, who wants to get
close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.

Cushla Shepherd
Year 8 ILC
House Co-ordinator
Orewa College